"God gave a man just so many heartbeats in a lifetime.  And, as any fisherman knows … the time spent over a fishing pole don't count." - Ron Buchta

"Resolve to perform what you ought. Perform without fail what you resolve." -Benjamin Franklin

"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words." -Johann W. von Goethe

"The minute you read something you can't understand, you can almost be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer." -Will Rogers

"The man with the best job in the country is the Vice-President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How's the President?'" -Will Rogers

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else." -Will Rogers

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." - Edmund Burke

"Start by doing what's necessary, then what's possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible." -St. Francis of Assisi

"Wise men learn more from fools than fools from wise men." - Marcus Pocius Cato

"An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows." -Dwight D. Eisenhower

"A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage." -Sydney Smith

"The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get to the office." -Robert Frost

"Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three -- all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have." -Edward Everett Hale

You don't seem to realize that a poor person who is unhappy is in a better position than a rich person who is unhappy. Because the poor person has hope. He thinks money would help." -Jean Kerr

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin." -H.L. Mencken

"For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to tolerate error so long as reason is free to combat it." -Thomas Jefferson

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save." -Will Rogers

"A politician thinks of the next election -- a statesman, of the next generation." -James Freeman Clarke

"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death." - James F. Byrnes

"A fashion ten years before its time is indecent. Ten years after its time it is hideous. After a century, it becomes romantic." -James Laver

"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life." -Charles Darwin

"It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty." - George Burns

"One of the greatest labor-saving inventions of today is tomorrow." -Vincent T. Goss

"The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one." -Russell Lynes

"As lousy as things are now, tomorrow they will be somebody's good old days." -Gerald Barzan

"The great tragedies of history occur not when right confronts wrong but when two rights confront each other." - Henry Kissinger

"The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed but that he cannot believe anyone else." -George Bernard Shaw

"I have learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." -Henry David Thoreau

"People are usually more convinced by reasons they discovered themselves than by those found by others." - Blaise Pascal

"It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them." -Alfred Adler

"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support." -Fulton J. Sheen

"If an animal does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing for the same reason, we call it intelligence." -Will Cuppy

"If you become a star, you don't change, everyone else does." -Kirk Douglas

"A true friend is the most precious of all possessions and the one we take the least thought about acquiring." -La Rochefoucauld

"A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away." -Barry Goldwater

"Without the element of uncertainty, the bringing off of even the greatest business triumph would be a dull routine, and eminently unsatisfying affair." -J. Paul Getty

"Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves." -Abraham Lincoln

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -Theodore Roosevelt

"Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week." -William Dean Howells

"I find that a great part of the information I have was acquired by looking up something and finding something else on the way." -Franklin P. Adams

"The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure." - Sydney J. Harris

"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair." -George Burns

"If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?" -Abraham Lincoln

"Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave." -Wilson Mizner

"Absence extinguishes small passions and increases great ones, as the wind will blow out a candle, and blow in a fire." -Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"Most people spend their lives going to bed when they're not sleepy and getting up when they are." -Cindy Adams

"There is only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: the human ego." -Marshall Lumsden

"If it moves, salute it. If it doesn't move, pick it up. If you can't pick it up, paint it." -Military proverb

"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him." -Aldous Huxley

"I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens." -Woody Allen

"Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon." -Susan Ertz

"There is hardly anything in the world that some man cannot make a little worse, and sell a little cheaper." -John Ruskin

"I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it short." -Blaise Pascal

"How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?" -Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"To say what you think will certainly damage you in society; but a free tongue is worth more than a thousand invitations." -Logan Pearsall Smith

"A great man is always willing to be little." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else." -Ogden Nash

"An invasion of armies can be resisted, but not an idea whose time has come." -Victor Hugo

"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -Fred Allen

"Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once." -Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)

"If we were logical, the future would be bleak indeed. But we are more than logical. We are human beings, and we have faith, and we have hope, and we can work." -Jacques Cousteau

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." -George Bernard Shaw

"Nature gave man two ends - one to sit on and one to think with. Ever since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he used most." -George R. Kirkpatrick

"In America, the young are always ready to give to those who are older the benefits of their inexperience." -Oscar Wilde

"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark." -Howard Ruff

To be agreeable, all that is necessary is to take an interest in other persons and in other things, to recognize that other people as a rule are much like one's self, and thankfully to admit that diversity is a glorious feature of life." -Frank SwinnertonThere is a limit to the work that can be got out of a human body or a human brain, and he is a wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he is not fitted; and he is still wiser who, from among the things that he can do well, chooses and resolutely follows the best." -William E. Gladstone

"A miracle: an event described by those to whom it was told by men who did not see it." -Elbert Hubbard

"There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries." -Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)

"Fear less, hope more, eat less, chew more, whine less, breathe more, talk less, say more, hate less, love more, and all good things will be yours." -Swedish proverb

"You grow up the day you have the first real laugh - at yourself." -Ethel Barrymore

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become." -Charles du Bos

"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion." -George Bernard Shaw

"Man is the only animal that contemplates death, and also the only animal that shows any sign of doubt of its finality." -William Ernest Hocking

"We have to condemn publicly the very idea that some people have the right to repress others... When we neither punish nor reproach evildoers ... we are ripping the foundations of justice from beneath new generations." -Alexander I.Solzhenitsyn

"The greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds can change the outer aspects of their lives." -William James

"The desire of appearing clever often prevents our becoming so." -La Rochefoucauld

"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." -Bert Leston Taylor

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank." -Woody Allen

"A closed mouth gathers no flies." -French Proverb

"If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit. There's no use being a damn fool about it." -W.C. Fields

"How many people live on the reputation of the reputation they might have made!" -Oliver Wendell Holmes

"We do not stop playing because we are old. We grow old because we stop playing." -Anon

"Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams." -Mary Ellen Kelly

"Tell your friend a lie. If he keeps it secret, then tell him the truth." -Portuguese Proverb

"The best things and best people rise out of their separateness; I'm against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise." -Robert Frost

"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it." -C.P. Snow

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." -Fred Allen

"Fear of becoming a has-been keeps some people from becoming anything." -Eric Hoffer

"I studied the lives of great men and famous women, and I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work." -Harry S. Truman

"Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then we elected them." -Lily Tomlin

"When a fellow says it ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money." -Kin Hubbard

"The best memory is that which forgets nothing but injuries. Write kindness in marble and write injuries in the dust." - Persian proverb

"In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these." -Paul Harvey

"An optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds - the pessimist fears this is true." -James Branch Cabell

"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least possible amount of hissing." -Jean-Baptiste Colbert

I don't want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member." -Groucho Marx

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I ever met." -Abraham Lincoln

"A billion here, a billion there -- pretty soon it adds up to real money." -Everett Dirksen (in Senate)

"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." -Herman Wouk

"If you get up early, work late, and pay your taxes, you will get ahead - if you strike oil." -J. Paul Getty

"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." -Ronald Reagan

"Misers amass wealth for those who wish them dead." -Polish Proverb

"The things that are wrong with the country today are the sum total of all the things that are wrong with us as individuals." -Charles W. Tobey

"Recollection: To remember in great detail something that never happened." -Frank Dane

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!' till you can find a rock." -Wynn Catlin

"No matter what side of an argument you're on, you always find some people on your side that you wish were on the other side." -Jascha Heifetz

In the end, it is attention to detail that makes all the difference. It's the center fielder's extra two steps to the left, the salesman's memory for names, the lover's phone call, the soldier's clean weapon. It is the thing that separates the winners from the losers, the men from the boys and very often, the living from the dead." -David Noonan

"A good conversationalist is not one who remembers what was said, but says what someone wants to remember." -John Mason Brown

"One of the reasons that we find so few persons rational and agreeable in conversation is that there is hardly a person who does not think more of what he wants to say than of his answer to what is said." -Duc de La Rochefoucauld (1613- 1680)

"A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first." -Oscar Levant

"Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there." -Franklin P. Jones

"Martyrdom has always been a proof of the intensity, never of the correctness of a belief." -Arthur Schnitzler

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king." - French Proverb

I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." -Thomas Jefferson

"Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything." -Fred Allen

"Man cannot remake himself without suffering. For he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Alexis Carrel

"The value of life lies not in the length of days, but in the use we make of them; a man may live long yet live very little." - Montaigne

"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards." -Sir Fred Hoyle

"If you steal something small you are a petty thief, but if you steal millions, you are a gentleman of society." -Greek Proverb

"The men in America people admire most extravagantly are the most daring liars; the men they detest most violently are those who try to tell them the truth." -H.L. Mencken

"I would rather men should ask why no statue has been erected in my honor, than why one has." -Marcus Cato (2nd century BC)

"Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have -- so spend it wisely." -Kay Lyons

"When science discovers the center of the universe a lot of people will be disappointed to find they are not it." -Bernard Baily

"Nothing is so firmly believed as that which is least known." -Francis Jeffrey

"There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots; the other, wings." -Hodding Carter

"It's possible to own too much. A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure." -Lee Segall

"Life is like playing a violin in public and learning the instrument as one goes on." -Samuel Butler

"I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart." -e e cummings

"We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?" -Jean Cocteau

"News is the first rough draft of history." -Ben Bradlee

"God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish one from the other." -Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr

"When a person with experience meets a person with money, the person with experience will get the money. And the person with the money will get some experience." -Leonard Lauder

"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile hoping it will eat him last." -Winston Churchill

"It is difficult to say who do you the most mischief: enemies with the worst intentions or friends with the best." -E.R. Bulwer-Lytton

"We are told that talent creates its own opportunities. But it sometimes seems that intense desire creates not only its own opportunities, but its own talents." -Eric Hoffer

"An autobiography usually reveals nothing bad about its writer except his memory." -Franklin P. Jones

"The best way to convince a fool he is wrong is to let him have his way." -Josh Billings

"I am saddest when I sing. So are those who hear me; they are sadder even than I am." - Artemus Ward

"I get my exercise acting as a pallbearer to my friends who exercise." -Chauncey Depew

"Long-range planning does not deal with future decisions, but with the future of present decisions." -Peter Drucker

"One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts." -Samuel Johnson

"If I were running the world I would have it rain only between 2 and 5 A.M. Anyone who was out then ought to get wet." - William Lyon Phelps

"A problem well stated is a problem half solved." -Charles F. Kettering

"It is not the going out of port, but the coming in, that determines the success of a voyage." -Henry Ward Beecher

"Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so." -Josh Billings

"There are so many things that we wish we had done yesterday, so few things that we feel like doing today." -Mignon McLaughlin

"The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted the spoons." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." -Henry David Thoreau

"New York now leads the world's great cities in the number of people around whom you shouldn't make a sudden move." -David Letterman

"Democracy is the worst system devised by the wit of man, except for all the others." -Winston Churchill

"Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations which we can perform without thinking of them." -Alfred North Whitehead

"If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours." -Henry David Thoreau

"The closest a person ever comes to perfection is when they fill out a job application form." -Stanley J. Randall

"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." -Harry S Truman

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone." -Bill Cosby

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret." -Ambrose Bierce

"Americans are like a rich father who wishes he knew how to give his sons the hardships that made him rich." -Robert Frost

"The message from the moon which we have flashed to the far corners of this planet is that no problem need any longer be considered insoluble." -Norman Cousins

"There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it." -George Bernard Shaw

"Racism is man's greatest threat to man -- the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason." - Abraham Joshua Heschel

"There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second." -Logan Pearsall

"It is useless for the sheep to pass resolutions in favor of vegetarianism while the wolf remains of a different opinion." -Dean William Inge

"When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice." -Prince Otto von Bismark

"To have arrived on this earth as the product of a biological accident, only to depart through human arrogance, would be the ultimate irony." -Richard E. Leakey

"Many speak the truth when they say that they despise riches, but they mean the riches possessed by other men." -Charles Caleb Colton

"Nothing is more humiliating than to see idiots succeed in enterprises we have failed in." - Flaubert

"All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income." -Samuel Butler

"Every generation laughs at the old fashions but religiously follows the new." -Henry David Thoreau

"Money is what you'd get on beautifully without if only other people weren't so crazy about it." -Margaret Case Harriman

"We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics." -Bill Vaughan

If you look like your passport photo,you're too ill to travel." -Will Kommen

"A man who thinks of himself as belonging to a particular national group in America has not yet become an American." -Woodrow Wilson

"Where much is expected from an individual, he may rise to the level of events and make the dream come true." -Elbert Hubbard

"Give me a lever long enough, and a fulcrum strong enough, and single-handed I can move the world." -Archimedes

"History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools." -Ambrose Bierce

"A banker warned the British poet Robert Graves that one could not grow rich writing poetry. He replied that if there was no money in poetry, there was certainly no poetry in money, and so it was all even." -Robert Graves

"Do you realize the responsibility I carry? I'm the only person standing between Nixon and the White House." -John F. Kennedy (1960)

"The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity." -George Bernard Shaw

"The test of courage comes when we are in the minority; the test of tolerance comes when we are in the majority."" -Ralph W. Sockman

"We are all, it seems, saving ourselves for the Senior Prom. But many of us forget that somewhere along the way we must learn to dance." -Alan Harrington

"One never repents of having spoken too little, but often of having spoken too much." -Philippe de Commynes

"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." - Thomas Edison

"In composing, as a general rule, run your pen through every other word you have written; you have no idea what vigor it will give your style." -Sydney Smith

"I encourage boldness because the danger of our seniority and pension plans tempt a young man to settle in a rut named security rather than find his own rainbow." - Conrad Hilton

"Since I moved to suburbia I found out the purpose of those railroad timetables. Without them there would be no way of knowing how late your train is." -Gregory Nunn

"If we believe absurdities we shall commit atrocities." -Voltaire

"Reviewers are usually people who would have been poets, historians, biographers, if they could; they have tried their talents at one or the other, and have failed; therefore they turn critics." -Samuel Taylor Coleridge

"A liberal is a man who is willing to spend somebody else's money." -Carter Glass

"The least pain in our little finger gives us more concern than the destruction of millions of our fellow beings." -William Hazlitt

"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is not good evidence either way. Persecution is used in theology, not in arithmetic." - Bertrand Russell

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before." -Mae West

"Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats." - Woody Allen

"As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for." -Josh Billings

"The great masses of the people will more easily fall victims to a big lie than to a small one." -Adolf Hitler

"The most exhausting thing in life, I have discovered, is being insincere." -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

"It is useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office." -Shirley MacLaine

"The honeymoon is over when he phones that he'll be late for supper - and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator." -Bill Lawrence

"If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men." -Russell P. Askue

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was." -Richard L. Evans

"The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner." - General Omar Bradley

"Abstract Art: A product of the untalented, sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered." -Al Capp

"Outlawing all atomic weapons could be a magnificent gesture. However, it should be remembered that Gettysburg had a local ordinance forbidding the discharge of firearms." -Homer D. King

"Every man has three characters- that which he exhibits, that which he has, and that which he thinks he has." -Alphonse Karr

"Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex. You thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did." -James Baldwin

"Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument." -Richard Whately

"The difference between Talent and Genius is, that Talent says things which he has never heard but once, and Genius things which he has never heard." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is easy to utter what has been kept silent, but impossible to recall what has been uttered." -Plutarch

"Any doctrine that ... weakens personal responsibility for judgment and for action ... helps create the attitudes that welcome and support the totalitarian state." -John Dewey

"We would often be ashamed of our finest actions if the world understood all the motives which produced them." -Duc de La Rochefoucauld

"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer." -Anonymous

"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip." -Caskie Stinnett

"Socialism is workable only in heaven where it isn't needed, and in hell where they've got it." - Cecil Palmer

"Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost." -Russell Baker

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils." -Hector Berlioz

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." -Hubert Humphrey

"Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once." -Unknown

"You can teach a student a lesson for a day; but if you can teach him to learn by creating curiosity, he will continue the learning process as long as he lives." -Clay P. Bedford

"The gap in our economy is between what we have and what we think we ought to have -- and that is a moral problem, not an economic one." -Paul Heyne

"A small daily task if it be really daily, will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules." -Anthony Trollope

"If I had my life to live again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner." -Tallulah Bankhead

"Life is what happens while you are making other plans." -John Lennon

"I shall make electricity so cheap that only the rich can afford to burn candles." -Thomas Edison

"Do not put your faith in what statistics say until you have carefully considered what they do not say." -William W. Watt

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." -Calvin Coolidge

"Whenever science makes a discovery, the devil grabs it while the angels are debating the best way to use it." -Alan Valentine

"Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college." -Bill Vaughan

"We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk, and to act. Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective and bring happiness." -Maxwell Maltz

"When written in Chinese, the word 'crisis' is composed of two characters - one represents danger and the other represents opportunity." -John F. Kennedy

"The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the future is that men may become robots." -Erich Fromm

"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn." -David Russell

I would rather be ashes than dust. I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than that it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time." -Jack London

"And thou wilt give thyself relief, if thou doest every act of thy life as if it were the last." -Marcus Aurelius

"The word good has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man." -G.K. Chesterton

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and read a book." -Groucho Marx

"If a man can write a better book, or preach a better sermon, or build a better mousetrap than his neighbor, though he builds his house in the woods, the world will make a beaten path to his door." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The test of a man or woman's breeding is how they behave in a quarrel." -George Bernard Shaw

"If fifty million people say a foolish thing it is still a foolish thing." -Anatole France

"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another." -Charles Dickens

"Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it." -George Bernard Shaw

"The most dangerous thing in the world is to leap a chasm in two jumps." -David Lloyd George

"A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines." -Frank Lloyd Wright

"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." -Ed Cunningham

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age." -Robert Frost

"If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?" -Virginia Ostman

"The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them." -George Bernard Shaw

"The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." -Calvin Trillin

"Quarrels would not last long if the fault was only on one side." -La Rochefoucauld

"When you're safe at home you wish you were having an adventure; when you're having an adventure you wish you were safe at home." -Thornton Wilder

"The marvels of modern technology include the development of a soda can which, when discarded, will last forever, and a $7,000 car which, when properly cared for, will rust out in two or three years." -Paul Harwitz

"If a man is primarily after wealth, the world can whip him; if he is primarily after pleasure, the world can beat him; but if a man is primarily growing a personality, then he can capitalize on anything that life does to him." -Dr. Harry Fosdick

"Never lend books, for no one ever returns them. The only books I have in my library are those that other folks have lent me." - Anatole France

"Peace: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting." -Ambrose Bierce

"The more ignorant the authority, the more dogmatic it is. In the fields where no real knowledge is even possible, the authorities are the fiercest and most assured and punish non-belief with the severest of penalties." -Abraham Myerson

"Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers." -Lewis Mumford

"One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man." -Elbert Hubbard

"We have no more right to consume happiness without producing it than to consume wealth without producing it." -George Bernard Shaw

"He that will not sail till all dangers are over must never put to sea." -Thomas Fuller

"The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives." - Albert Schweitzer

"Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children." -Sam Levenson

"A light supper, a good night's sleep, and a fine morning have often made a hero of the same man who by indigestion, a restless night, and a rainy morning, would have proved a coward." - Earl of Chesterfield

"It is a paradox that every dictator has climbed to power on the ladder of free speech. Immediately on attaining power each dictator has suppressed all free speech except his own." -Herbert Hoover

"It's a funny thing about life: If you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it." -W. Somerset Maugham

"There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter." -Bat Masterson

"If I'd known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself." -Leon Eldred

"I found your essay to be good and original. However, the part that was original was not good and the part that was good was not original." - Samuel Johnson

"There is nothing so stupid as an educated man, if you get off the thing he was educated in." -Will Rogers

"Guidelines for Bureaucrats: (1) When in charge ponder. (2) When in trouble delegate. (3) When in doubt mumble." -James H. Boren

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." - Abraham Lincoln

"Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them." -Franklin Jones

"United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it." -Gregory Nunn

"The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he never would be found out." -Thomas Babington Macaulay

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake -- which I also keep handy." -W.C. Fields

"When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch." -R.C. Sherriff

"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying." -Woody Allen

"A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done." -Fred Allen

"Every time a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said ..." -Will Rogers

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice." -Ed Howe

"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself, too." -Samuel Butler

"There are some politicians who, if their constituents were cannibals, would promise them missionaries for dinner." -H.L. Mencken

"Man's capacity for justice makes democracy possible, but his inclination to injustice makes democracy necessary." -Reinhold Niebuhr

"No man undertakes a trade he has not learned, even the meanest; yet everyone thinks himself sufficiently qualified for the hardest of all trades, that of government." -Socrates

"Likely as not, the child you can do the least with will do the most to make you proud." -Mignon McLaughlin

"You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you." -Dale Carnegie

"A good storyteller is a person who has a good memory and hopes other people haven't." -Irvin S. Cobb

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." -Joan Rivers

"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, but others judge us by what we have already done." -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"To be prepared for war is one of the most effectual means of preserving peace." -George Washington

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"Ah, but a man's reach should exceed his grasp, Or what's a heaven for?" -Robert Browning

"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." -Oscar Wilde

"Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them." -Adlai Stevenson

"The evil that men do lives after them, The good is oft interred with their bones." -Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)

"The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting." -T.H. White

"In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season." - Bill Vaughan

"I took a course in speed reading and was able to read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's about Russia." -Woody Allen

"The history of man is a graveyard of great cultures that came to catastrophic ends because of their incapacity for planned, rational, voluntary reaction to challenge." -Erich Fromm

"Aerodynamically the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway." -Mary Kay Ash

"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there." -Will Rogers

"It is hard to look up to a leader who keeps his ear to the ground." -James H. Boren

"The less reasonable a cult is, the more men seek to establish it by force." -Jean-Jacques Rousseau

"The wolf in sheep's clothing is a fitting emblem of the hypocrite. Every virtuous man would rather meet an open foe than a pretended friend who is a traitor at heart." -H.F. Kletzing

"Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack." -Harry Emerson Fosdick

"America is a large friendly dog in a small room. Every time it wags its tail it knocks over a chair." -Arnold Toynbee

"Just think how happy you would be if you lost everything you have right now, and then got it back again." -Francis Rodman

"It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice; I consider the real vice is making losses." -Winston Churchill

"But if a man happens to find himself ... he has a mansion which he can inhabit with dignity all the days of his life." -James Michener

"He is so unlucky that he runs into accidents which started out to happen to somebody else." - Don Marquis

"Our plans miscarry because they have no aim. When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind." -Seneca (4 B.C - 65 A.D.)

"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well." -H.T. Leslie

"I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." -Chico Marx

"Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it." -George Santayana

"We Americans are the best informed people on earth as to the events of the last twenty- four hours; we are not the best informed as to the events of the last sixty centuries." -Will and Ariel Durant

"Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian." -Heywood Broun

"There is no sense in having an argument with a man so stupid he doesn't know you have the better of him." -John Raper

"I'd rather wake up in the middle of nowhere than in any city on earth." -Steve McQueen

"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit." -Elbert Hubbard

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it." -Stephen Leacock

"Most people have some sort of religion, at least they know which church they're staying away from." -John Erskine

"It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose your own." - Harry S. Truman

"A wise man will make more opportunities that he finds." -Francis Bacon

"I shall pass through this world but once; any good things, therefore, that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any human being, or dumb animal, let me do it now. Let me not deter it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again." - John Galsworthy

"The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much easier to give up than bad ones." -Somerset Maugham

"The ultimate victory of tomorrow is democracy, and through democracy with education, for no people in all the world can be kept eternally ignorant or eternally enslaved." -Franklin Delano Roosevelt

"Ideals are like stars: you will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them you reach your destiny." -Carl Schurz

"Our concern is not how to worship in the catacombs but how to remain human in the skyscrapers." -Abraham Joshua Heschel

"The hours we pass with happy prospects in view are more pleasing than those crowned with fruition." -Oliver Goldsmith

"The spirit in which a thing is given determines that in which the debt is acknowledged; it's the intention, not the face-value of the gift, that's weighed." -Seneca (1st century)

"The defect of equality is that we only desire it with our superiors." - Henry Becque

"Never do card tricks for the boys you play poker with." -American Proverb

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." -Winston Churchill

"Liberty is being free from the things we don't like in order to be slaves of the things we do like." -Ernest Benn

"I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House - with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined here alone." -John F. Kennedy

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent vice of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." -Winston Churchill

"What if Columbus had been told, 'Chris, baby, don't go now. Wait until we've solved our No. 1 priorities -- war and famine; poverty and crime; pollution and disease; illiteracy and racial hatred -- and Queen Isabella's own brand of internal security.'" -W.I.E. Gates

The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. If you foolishly ignore beauty, you will soon find yourself without it. Your life will be impoverished. But if you invest in beauty, it will remain with you all the days of your life." -Frank Lloyd Wright

"That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind." -Neil A. Armstrong (on the Moon)

"Looking forward into an empty year strikes one with a certain awe, because one finds therein no recognition. The years behind have a friendly aspect, and they are warmed by the fires we have kindled, and all their echoes are the echoes of our own voices." -Alexander Smith

"Those who make the worst use of their time are the first to complain of its shortness." -Jean de La BruySre

"Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think." -Jean de La BruySre

"The best way to get on in the world is to make people believe it's to their advantage to help you." -Jean de La BruySre

"If we all said to each other's faces what we say behind each other's backs, society would be impossible." -Honor de Balzac